What's the big deal anyway?*
*If you're shit scared of spiders, as in like can't even look at them, quit this post now.
As I write this post my cat is locked in my bedroom until he kills that spider.
Its massive, and I don't mean girl-over-reacting massive, I mean IT IS THE SIZE OF MY HEAD.
It got me thinking when and where this somewhat irrational fear materialised in my wee head, I wasn't always afraid of the little beasts. In fact I remember chasing my brother while clutching the wings of a daddy long legs - hilaaaaarious.
But now if there is a daddy long legs anywhere near me there is a high chance I will actually wet myself.
Spiders should not be able to fly.
I then remembered seeing this floating around the internet somewhere:
Me: We cool?
Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey you might wanna move over some -- you're descending right into the shower steam and I don't want you to drown.
Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
Me: So... can I get out now?
Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
Me: Thanks, you have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom okay?
Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening!
In theory this seems about right, but in reality if I discovered a talking spider descending into my bathtub I would kill it with hairspray and fire. Then kill it some more.
Not that I'd overreact or anything.
Oh wait, I also found these:
Now I feel guilty as hell so I'm going to relieve the cat of his duties, save the spider, call him Jeremy and together we will fight the spider fear.